Today was a day filled with up’s and down’s. I woke this morning feeling like an elephant slept on my head. My sinuses was all clogged up. It led to a nasty sinus headache for most of the morning. I felt like crap. By 12:15, I couldn’t take it so I went home for some medicine and a nap.
I slept for about an hour, waking in time to get ready for King’s Kids. Still feeling pretty yucky, I managed to pull of the skit and the singing, but I was definitely dragging. King’s Kids was the first Up.
By 7:30 I was feeling pretty bad again. I popped a few more ibuprofen and hoped to feel better for an important phone call at 8:00 p.m. I have been looking forward to this call all day. It would be my second Up. Slowly the fog began to lift, but when the 8:00 call did not come, I started stressing out.
The call finally came around 9:00. I’m not sure it was a good call, which now has added even more stress. So now I’m feeling like crap and I’m totally stressed out.
I know God is faithful and that He desires to give us our hearts desires, according to His purposes. I thought I was seeing glimpses of His purpose for me. I was excited about ministry and new experiences. I was excited about serving the Church, loving His people, and preaching His word. But now, I’m not sure.
Don’t hear me wrong, I’m not leaving the ministry. I love the call He has given to me. I love youth ministry. And every day, God confirms His call in my life. There is nothing I would rather do. But I wonder what my ministry is going to look like in the coming year.
There is so much going on. I see God’s hand in so many things. It’s hard to see clearly what my role will finally be. I want to follow my heart, but I know my heart is somewhere else and that place might not be where He wants me.
It was a very down day.
“God, reveal your plan for me. Show me what it is you want from me. I will be obedient. I will do what it is You call me to do.”