The Difference Between Talking to a Student and Talking To Your Son


The time has come. I knew it would. I’ve had discussions like this many times. I know what to say. I’ve said it all before. With other guys, even in the appropriate moments with some of the gals. I’ve talked about it with parents, leaders, and other pastors. I’m not embarrassed by it. I don’t fear talking about it. I actually really like talking about it.

But there is a difference between talking with a student about sex and talking with your son about sex.

In the next couple of weeks I will be taking my oldest away for the night to discuss the topic of sex. This past school year, his class watched one of those cheesy, “coming of age” movies. You know the ones; pleasant sounding voices, talking about the “change” that will be coming to their bodies, while bad elevator music and images of kids playing sports, walking the hallways at school, or eating at the lunch table fill the TV screen. My wife and I previewed the movie. Sad. Very sad. It was so bad.

Number One is going up. It can’t be denied. It won’t be long before the Legos are boxed and the Star Wars are put away for the last time. (Ah, who am I kidding, that will never happen in my house.) But new interests will soon enter his life. Interests like driving, going out with his friends, more sports, nicer and more mature clothing, and of course… girls!

As a youth pastor, I address the issue with my students with complete confidence; unashamed and certain that God created the most magical experience in the world for His people to enjoy. But now, I have to tell my son.

I have a video clip of Josh McDowell, talking to a group of students, making the public confession, saying to the effect, “I couldn’t wait to tell my kids that I love having sex with their mother!” As funny and as bold as that statement is, it’s not quite the image I want to put into my son’s mind. After all my kids have enough stuff already to keep their therapists busy. (That’s a little joke in our house because their P.K.’s.)

I have about two weeks left to finish putting together what I plan on saying and doing. I don’t want to lecture him. Nor do I want to preach to him. But like me, he is often quiet and not very talkative, so I fear that I will be doing most of the talking. Nonetheless, I need to engage him, encourage him, and present to him what a Godly-man looks like, thinks like, acts like, and lives like.

I have a lot of ideas of what I think I want to do, but I’m open to ideas. I’m looking for a good resource to share with him; something he’ll use and appreciate. If you have any ideas, let me know.

– jay

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